Relationality and Wellbeing: Understanding the Web of Connection

The more I sit with wellbeing, the more I recognise it's never been a solo endeavour. We talk about self-care as if it's something we do in isolation, but the reality is far more complex and, frankly, far more interesting. Wellbeing exists in relation—to ourselves, to others, to places, to cultures, to the non-human world around us.

Relationality in wellbeing is the acknowledgement that we are fundamentally interconnected. Our wellbeing doesn't happen in a vacuum; it emerges through our relationships and connections. And yet, so much of the self-care conversation positions it as individual work, personal responsibility, something we must master on our own.

What if we thought about it differently?

The Foundational Paradox: Self and Other

There's a beautiful tension at the heart of wellbeing: we need to care for ourselves in order to care for others, and we need others in order to care for ourselves. It's not linear. It's circular, reciprocal, ongoing.

Think about your own self-care practices. How many of them exist purely in isolation? Even the ones that feel solitary—a morning walk, meditation, journaling—often rely on others. Someone inspired you to try them. Someone motivated you to keep going. Someone created the space or resources that make them possible. Someone reflected back to you that these practices matter.

We need others for:

* Inspiration to try new approaches

* Motivation to maintain practices when we're struggling

* The actual acts of care (think of a massage, a conversation, being cooked a meal)

* Support when things feel hard

* Reflection and perspective on our experiences

And here's where it gets interesting: caring for others isn't separate from our own wellbeing. It contributes to it. When we show up for someone else, when we offer care or support, something shifts in us too. Our sense of purpose deepens. Our connection strengthens. Our own wellbeing grows.

Coach yourself: Who do you rely on for inspiration in your self-care? What acts of care do you need from others that you might be trying to do entirely alone? How does caring for others contribute to your own sense of wellbeing?

Relationality with Self

Before we can navigate our relationships with others, we need to acknowledge our relationship with ourselves. This is where self-awareness lives—not just knowing what we need, but recognising what we don't know, what we need to learn, and what we're genuinely comfortable with versus what we think we should be comfortable with.

This internal relationality involves:

* Noticing our patterns and responses

* Understanding what energises us and what depletes us

* Acknowledging our limits without shame

* Recognising when we need to grow and when we need to simply accept

* Being honest about our capacity at any given moment

The relationship with self is where we develop the rationality—the reasoning—for our choices. Why do I need this boundary? Why does this practice work for me? Why am I resisting what might be helpful?

It's also where we hold space for not knowing. Sometimes the most relational thing we can do with ourselves is admit: "I don't know what I need right now, but I'm willing to explore it."

Coach yourself: What's your current relationship with yourself like? Are you listening or demanding? Patient or critical? What do you need to know

about yourself that you've been avoiding? What are you comfortable with that you thought you should change?

Relationality with Each Other

Our connections with other people create a web of mutual influence. We reflect each other's experiences back. We learn from each other's struggles and successes. We hold space for each other's growth.

But here's what makes this complex: caring for others can boost our own wellbeing, but not when it comes at the expense of our own care. This is where the "care for self in order to care for others" principle becomes essential. If we're constantly depleted, our care for others becomes hollow, resentful, or unsustainable.

The key is understanding that these aren't competing priorities—they are interconnected. When we care for ourselves well, we have more capacity to genuinely show up for others. When we care for others in ways that align with our values and capacity, it enriches our own sense of meaning and connection.

Coach yourself: Are you caring for others from a place of fullness or depletion? How do your relationships with others support your wellbeing? Where might you be giving care that you don't have to give? How does being there for others boost your own sense of purpose?

Beyond the Human: Place, Space, and the Non-Human

Relationality extends beyond people. We have relationships with places that ground us, spaces that energise or drain us, and the non-human world that surrounds us.

Think about the places where you feel most yourself. A particular room. A walking path. The coast. The bush. These aren't just backdrops to our lives—they're active participants in our wellbeing. They hold us. They shift our energy. They offer something we can't get elsewhere.

Our relationship with nature, with animals, with the land itself, contributes to our wellbeing in ways that are increasingly supported by research but have been understood by Indigenous cultures for tens of thousands of years. Being in relationship with place means noticing how we feel when we are there, what we receive from it, and how we might care for it in return.

Coach yourself: What places make you feel most grounded? How do you engage with the non-human world as part of your wellbeing? What would it mean to be in reciprocal relationship with the places that support you?

Cultural Relationality

Our wellbeing is also shaped by the cultures we're part of—both the cultures we're born into and the ones we choose or find ourselves within. Different cultural contexts hold different understandings of what wellbeing is, how it's cultivated, and what role the individual plays versus the collective.

Indigenous cultures, for example, often centre relationality in their understanding of wellbeing. It's not about individual achievement or personal optimisation—it's about connection to Country, to ancestors, to community, to the more-than-human world. Wellbeing is relational by definition.

Western cultures, by contrast, have tended to emphasise individual responsibility and personal development. This creates a very different framework for understanding self-care—one that can feel isolating and burdensome when we're struggling.

Being aware of the cultural contexts that shape our understanding of wellbeing allows us to question: What am I assuming? What am I missing? What other ways of understanding this might serve me better?

Coach yourself: What cultural assumptions about wellbeing are you carrying? Are they serving you? What can you learn from cultural perspectives different from your own? How might a more relational, collective understanding of wellbeing shift your approach?

Approaching Relationality in Practice

So how do we actually work with relationality in our wellbeing practices? Here are some starting points:

Acknowledge interdependence. Stop trying to do everything alone. Notice where you need others and let yourself need them. Notice where others need you and assess whether you have the capacity to show up.

Cultivate reciprocity. Relationships thrive on give and take. This applies to relationships with people, with places, with practices. What are you receiving? What are you giving? Is there balance?

Practice relational self-awareness. Notice how you are in relationship with yourself. Are you compassionate? Critical? Curious? Avoidant? The quality of this relationship sets the foundation for all others.

Expand your circle of relation. Don't limit your wellbeing relationships to other humans. What do you receive from nature? From your home? From creative practices? From stillness?

Question the narratives. When you hear "self-care is your responsibility" or "you need to be self-sufficient," ask yourself: According to whom? What cultural assumptions are embedded here? What else might be true?

Coach yourself: What would shift if you saw your wellbeing as relational rather than individual? Who or what would you invite into your wellbeing practice? What relationships do you need to strengthen or tend to? Where are you trying to be self-sufficient when you could be interdependent?

The Web We Are A Part Of

Relationality in wellbeing isn't about adding more to our plates. It's about recognising what's already there—the web of connection we're already part of, whether we acknowledge it or not.

When we embrace relationality, we stop carrying the weight of wellbeing alone. We let ourselves be held by relationships, by places, by practices that work because they're in relation to something beyond just ourselves. We stop asking "What's wrong with me?" and start asking "What do I need? Who can help? What relationships need tending?"

This is the work. Not perfecting our individual self-care routines, but understanding how we exist in relation—to ourselves, to others, to the world around us. And from that understanding, building wellbeing practices that are sustainable precisely because they're shared.