Making and counting stitches: Holding a space for yourself when you are all zoomed out
Making and counting stitches
Holding a space for yourself when you are all zoomed out
I don’t know about you, but I’m all zoomed out! 2020 has had us working in different ways, connecting virtually...well, all of the time. More screen time has been one major feature for most of us. I’ve always thought of my time in different ways - green, screen, me and down time. As I've navigated what down time can look like for me I've explored different ways to do this. You have probably found this as well. Making and counting stitches is my alternative to meditation in 2020. It’s been my down time practice. As I knit or crochet or fold paper (I have this thing for making butterflies ever since I was invited to run a practical mindful creativity session for Action for Happiness Australia in 2019). All these activities have me working with a material where I slow down and where I can focus on the feel of texture, a pattern and be curious as my making project grows. Key has been a process that has me stop and focus on making, and I usually am required to count. It is these acts of making that have become mediative for me when I have been exhausted, stuck with my writing, zoomed out or I’ve hit the wall and problem solving any further solutions to covid blockers has me not functioning at my best anymore (hello foggy brain and a need for non negotiable down time). Making and counting the stitches or folding the line of my origami butterflies helps me sit, unwind, and enables me to be truly present in this moment of making. It has become my way to remove myself from a tendency to keep on working, or more importantly keep on thinking. My breath slows down becoming deeper. My computer hunch is interrupted, and I experience a different flow - being just in the moment, lost in time as I count stitches or focus on folding paper. My attention shifts.
My dear friend Helen Kara sent me a book a few years ago. She noticed it on a bookshelf in a shop she walked into and sent it to me as a gift. This book has been a book that I constantly dip in and out of as I develop my writing capacity and cultivate an awareness of ways I best work. One of my favourite quotes is from the author, Joy Kenward: “After I had been meditating regularly for some time, I began to notice the quality of my own level of attention when exposed to various subjects, not only during writing or reading times, but also when watching TV, listening to the radio or even hearing conversation” (2017, p.101). Making is one of those meditative practices that for me has allowed me to cultivate an awareness that focuses my attention on stopping, and embracing some down time.
Meditation is something that I discovered in 2016 when I was burnout. It has been a regular practice in my toolbox of wellbeing strategies for self-care. Sometimes it works for me, and other times it doesn’t. I struggle at times, like some of you I am sure, to sit with a guided meditation, a visualisation or a breathing practice. I know what works most of the time, but sometimes we just don't gel. When I am functioning well, meditation, connecting to my breath, has been central to my down time and has been an approach that has helped me to feel grounded. But in 2020 it hasn’t worked for me as well as in the past. I’ve had to acknowledge that everything has changed...my workspace, my ability to write in ways I have before, and there has been a mega blurring between personal and professional. And well, me and down time has not existed in ways that it has before during long periods of lockdown restrictions. I have had to hold a space for myself in a different way. This has been both rewarding and frustrating as I’ve navigated new ways to care for myself. As I shifted through resistance I have enjoyed being curious about what new ways could and can work for me. Have you found this as well?
When I think about being grounded, I think about this as holding the space, when we are being truly present in the moment. We are what I think of as 100% grounded when we hold the space. Right in the moment, fully aware and here right now. I think about this as physically having my feet firm on the ground. I can wiggle my toes, feel the heel on the ground (or on the soul of my shoes), I can move my feet around ever so slightly to feel the edges, the arch, and the pads of my toes. My attention is in my gut, rather than in my head, so I am not ruminating, thinking in the past, rushing to what has to be done in the future. As I breathe, I inhale deeply, raising my tummy, verses raising my shoulders (where my ears are being kissed and the tension in my neck and shoulders becomes even more evident). I am in the here and now when grounded. When I am grounded, I can hold a space for myself, and for others, that is about this moment right now. I am truly present. I am able to really tune into where my attention is placed, and what intentions I set. I treat myself like I would a friend. I am much more compassionate.
As we engage with grounding, we guide our attention away from thoughts about the past and guide them towards a present safety. Neuroligically, in this way we are looking to turn off the fight, flight or freeze reaction and we are looking at anchoring on a safe and interesting feature of our current environment. We are interrupting this overwhelming and exhausting state. Being grounded helps us when we are dealing with stress or feeling overwhelmed, but over time it is a daily practice that you become addicted to as it has a calming effect on both yourself, and others around you.
How do you know if you are not grounded? I find that some of these tendencies pop up. You might be familiar with some of these as well as you think about holding a space for yourself.
Over thinking things
Ruminating
Critical to self and others
Perfectionist tendencies flare up
Easily distracted
Spacing out or daydreaming often
Attracted and engage in personal drama, yours or others
Anxiety and constant worrying is all consuming
Obsess over material possessions
Become image conscious
Engaging in constant distractions to avoid quiet or down time
Not as honest with yourself or others as normal, or
You feel out of touch with reality and may feel like you are not your normal self at times.
How do you know if you are grounded?
Your breathe is deep and slow
You breathe from your gut not your chest or shoulders
Your mind is quiet
You are present, deep listening to others or yourself
You are fully present, no ruminating or having conversations in your head, or
You are able to accept and let go of the momentary tough moments throughout the day and are not easily influenced by others' ideas or feelings.
So, as we head out of 2020 and we ponder about a year that has been different in all ways, how do you ground yourself? What helps you to become present, to slow down? And how might the practices you engage with help you personally and professionally?
References
Kenward, J. (2017).The Joy of Mindful Writing: Notes to Inspire Creative Awareness. London: Leaping Hare Press.
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